Congratulations on Winning the Bar Game!

When they announce that evening’s trivia category, everyone will look to you, snickering.  You’ll smile and lean back.

“Oh, we’ve got this,” you’ll say, patting your belly self-assuredly.

At first, your friends will laugh as you answer question after question, putting names to faces, often going a layer deeper than expected, providing a real name along with a more commonly known pseudonym.  They’ll buy you a beer in encouragement and slap you on the back.

For the first few questions, at least.

But after nearly an hour of watching you, without fail, demonstrate an encyclopedic knowledge that allows you to answer every single question, not just ineffably but instantly and effortlessly, they’ll grow uncomfortable.

By the time the contest is finished they’ll have collectively stepped out to take a smoke break, and you’ll be left sitting alone at the table with a bunch of tickets for free drinks and no one to spend them with.  After a seeming eternity Sherri, the alcoholic of the group, will come back and lean over the table to grab a ticket from you.  When she sashays back to the table to sit with you alone as your friends determine the best plan of action to take with you (should they intervene?  if so how?) she’ll purse her lips before she asks with the suggestive interest and “anything once” mentality of a seasoned drunk:

“How much time do you spend “researching” internet porn?

Your answer will make her spit up, but that won’t stop her from siphoning off enough drink tickets to make her think it’s a good idea to let you film her blowing you back at her apartment that night.

Congratulations on Winning the Bar Game!