Congratulations Interracial Couple!

The title of this post implies that all of the other couples in all of the other thousand or so posts preceding this one haven’t been interracial couples.  We’re sorry if that seemed to be the case, and we’d like to make sure that you know we’re not racist here at Sexy Results Future Agency.  But we’re also not so enlightened that we don’t keep track: there have been about nine interracial marriages in the last thousand posts or so.  See if you can spot them!

This one is easy.

A few months ago you and your husband were married.  It was an amazing ceremony, with the rings, the vows, grandparents smiling.  It was an inspiring moment in American history, where race, culture and its inevitable and continuous blending was not discussed, was simply celebrated as wonderful, beautiful reality.

But work intervened and the two of you had to both start big projects at your job almost immediately after your wedding.  That means your honeymoon was less an adventure where the two of you bonded and explored a new place together and more a weekend of rough, angry sex that ended with the two of you laughing and spooning and watching episodes of Louie on tivo after you were too tired to bone any more.

Today you’re going to begin your honeymoon, a romantic road-trip where you’ll visit (and defile the apartments of) each of your close college friends who you’re still in touch with.  The first friend you’re heading down to lives in Washington D.C., which means that, in order to get there, you’ll have to briefly enter the south.

Immediately after entering the south, you’ll be spotted by Randell (pronounced ran-dell).  He’ll be sitting at a gas station, wearing a trucker hat and chawing his brain out.

Randell will see you and use his faggot ass eye-phone (his words and emphasis) to call the rest of the south and inform them that some northerners what believe in miscegenation done come to town to ruin life for everyone.

“God damn faggots,” he’ll spit into his phone, at which point his brother, Darnell, will point out that that term is usually reserved for people of the same sex who sleep together, but that he should try to be a little more open minded in general and maybe avoid using that term in general because of its hateful history.

That comment will knock Darnell off racist call list, and make it a little tougher for people to be upset in the south in the future, but it won’t make your trip down there any easier.  Get ready for some uncomfortable looks, friends.

Congratulations Interracial Couple!