Congratulations Manic Depressive Ghost!

You’ll awaken as you always do: covered in ghost sweat, incorporeally attempting to grab on to anything around you.

“Oh god!” you’ll scream at no one in particular.  “I’m a guh-guh-guh-guh…”  You’ll  gulp.  “GHOST!”

The house will be empty.  Your cry will echo through its hallways.  You’ll start weeping uncontrollably, shaking your head.

“No, no, no, no, no.”  It’ll begin as a mumble and rise to shout.  “NO!”

You’ll manifest briefly and hurl a lamp across the room, one of the few remaining pieces of breakable furniture in the house.  Then you’ll go back to crying.

Seconds later a film crew from Ghost Hunters will burst into the house with a bunch of tesla coils and infrared cameras and shit and start poking around for you.  They’ll start running around and shouting the names of a bunch of Victorian shitheels who used to haunt this building, looking for some old and historic ghost to pick up and show to the world through the magic of television.

They won’t be interested in little old you: a political science student who couldn’t take the pressure of impending graduation who decided to hang herself in an old haunted house in the hope that she’d start ghosting it up, effectively choosing a career path that never really ends.

Unfortunately you didn’t anticipate that the crippling mental illness that made your life a tortuous and awkward experience would follow you into the afterlife.  So instead of haunting the shit out of those faux-hawked dipshits and their fancy cameras that can’t really capture ghosts (only Sony camcorders from the early 80s can actually capture ghosts on film) you’ll just quietly fade into the building, becoming profoundly aware of everything that the house is aware of.  You’ll stay quiet as you can until you begin weeping uncontrollably, which will make the entire house shudder.

As the idiots try to figure out just what’s going their continued use of the names of the various Victorian ghosts you drove out with your constant mood swings will grate upon your mind and you’ll begin psychically crushing ghost hunters one by one in rooms when they search alone.

Thus you’ll become something of a celebrity, the forever praised house that killed those annoying assholes who occupied an entire hour each week on the Sy Fy channel, more during re-run time.

Congratulations Manic-Depressive Ghost!