Congratulations on Misusing 9-11 in Conversation!

This happens to all of us. I don’t mean people in general. I mean our staff. Here in the office we’ve seen the end of man, and compared to the shit you people are going to have to deal with 9-11 is just what we treat it as – a laughable footnote in human history, a minor tragedy used to justify horrors. It’s only fitting to giggle uncontrollably when someone says “Never forget!” following a discussion about the Khmer Rouge.

But the thing is, we don’t really have families or friends. The few of us who aren’t horribly mentally ill are asocial freaks who no longer speak to any who can’t see the writing on the wall of the universe. We don’t deal with “normals” so there’s no risk in making these jokes for us. You’re not so lucky.

So when you tell your aunt that you thought she’d never forget you probably shouldn’t keep pushing the joke. You shouldn’t tell her that if the Bush administration had put as much effort into finding Osama as she was putting into finding her purse they would’ve found him by now. And you defiinitely shouldn’t tell her that she should check Afghanistan.

When she stares at you like you’re a fucking idiot you definitely shouldn’t hold up your fingers and then bring them down in a gesture miming the tower’s collapse, all the while making soft screaming and exploding noises. It’s just in poor taste.

And you shouldn’t be surprised when your uncle punches you in the face and he and your cousin haul you away from the Thanksgiving table and hurl you out of the front door into a snow drift. You also shouldn’t be surprised when you feel cold, because you won’t have a jacket on. You were, after all, sitting and eating Thanksgiving dinner, not expecting to be injured and ejected from your parent’s home by your extended family.

But this is what happens when you don’t know how to make jokes appropriate to the people you’re around. You end up in the hospital for hypothermia.

Congratulations on Misusing 9-11 in Conversation!