Congratulations on Restoring Your Border Collie's Trust!

It won’t be easy. First you’ll need to buy him some flowers. Preferably his favorite kind although, honestly, this is a fucking dog, so really, does it care?

Second you’ll have to write a very nice, very thorough note apologizing for what you did. Again, it’s to a dog, so make most of it pictures. Hire a professional if you can’t draw.

Finally, figure out how to say “I’m sorry I removed your balls with a pair of scissors under the supervision of a physician” in collie. It’s the only way to make shit cool between the two of you again.

Congratulations on Restoring Your Border Collie’s Trust!

Congratulations on Winning the Bass Fishing Contest!

Today you’re going to win a bass fishing contest. Nothing interesting here. We actually sort of wanted a day off, so we were hoping that you’d just see the title and ignore this posting. In the event that you kept looking, though, we feel you need some sort of reward. So, if you’re still here, here’s a picture of Gillian Anderson.

We apologize for congratulations on winning the bass fishing contest. Seriously. We’re really sorry.