Congratulations on Ruining Your Daughter's Favorite Book!

We know you’re a professional book censor, which is bad enough. But you shouldn’t be bringing your work home with you.

For example, editing out sections of Shel Silverstein’s books. We’d understand if you were editing out parts where he talked about how parents shouldn’t hit their kids to make sure your kids never worry about you or your wife doing it. But you’re cutting out parts about lighthearted ways to look at life a little differently because you’re afraid that your child might look at the world with a sense of wonder and joy that might give them a raging case of “the gays.”

We get that you’re petrified of your kids telling you they’re interested in sex or that they’ve even heard of it. But studies show that parents who censor parts of Shel Silverstein books so that they seem less imaginative have super gay kids who are in the closet for a long time and generally unhappy until they get past thirty a hundred percent of the time.

So loosen up, broaden your horizon, and for fuck’s sake, stop deleting episodes of Queer as Folk off your Tivo. You’re not fooling anyone anymore.

Congratulations on Ruining Your Daughters’ Favorite Book!