Friday, September 23, 2011

Congratulations on Beating Your Own Echo in a Shouting Contest!

Most people don’t have the balls to do what you’re going to do today. But most people also don’t have the balls to live in the bottom of the Grand Canyon, or to hunt and kill tourists as a means of sustenance, so you’re a singular individual in many respects.

Most days consist of you just tracking and killing obese people so that you can keep your ribs from meeting your spine and keep your now-carnivorous donkey happy. But sometimes you get a windfall of obese couples or poorly prepared families, and you don’t have to hunt for a few days. You normally occupy yourself during these lulls by shouting at the walls of the canyon in the hopes of silencing that voice that shouts back.

You’ll shout for hours and hours each day, but the voice always returns to you, failing to acknowledge your supremacy as a shouter even when you shout so much louder and prouder than it does. But today you’re going to go so crazy that you’ll go deaf for half an hour, and in that time you’re going to assume that you’ve beaten your echo in a shouting contest.

“FUCK YOU!” you’ll shout at your echo which, to your ears, will not respond.

One of your victims (the fattest one) will hear it and moan “help,” however. But you won’t hear him. You’ll just hear the rush of blood in your ears which, to your completely batshit crazy brain, will sound like victory music playing in honor of your success.

Congratulations on Beating Your Own Echo in a Shouting Contest!

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