You and your girlfriend have a lot of stress in your lives. Normally you deal with that stress by having lots of sex and smoking weed and watching movies sent to your home by Netflix, but it’s a losing battle and the walls are slowly closing in on you. Bit by bit you’re slipping towards breakupsville, and neither of you really want to be there.
That’s why you’re going to make a big gesture today by welcoming her home with one hundred white lab mice. You thought it would be a cute way to show her you cared about her work and a way to maybe help her save some money around the office.
It will backfire completely. She’ll start screaming and won’t stop until you’ve either collected every single one of the fuckers or smashed their skulls in with a phone book. By the time all is done she’ll refuse to speak with you. She’ll put your ass on the couch and spend an hour pulling your shit out of the bedroom and leaving it in cardboard boxes that the two of you keep around for recycling.
After she finishes, after you’re sitting on the couch with a lamp on staring at the ceiling mumbling to yourself, you’ll notice one of the mice running across the floor. You’ll have missed one and he’ll be out of the cage, running around, his little pink eyes taking in the big new world he’s been forced into.
You’ll know that she’d want him caught, that she wants everything in her life to be contained and secured so that she can have a few occasional moments of peace, but you won’t be able to bring yourself to move from the couch. You’ll just sit there and watch as the creature scurries to and fro, exploring this wondrous new place you’ll soon be leaving.
Congratulations on Driving Her Away Once and For All!
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