“Hey, lend me a dollar!” the madman will cry at you as you walk by, but you won’t pay him no heed. That one won’t even need a cop out, it’ll just be forgone. Who’d ask the cop out kid for a dollar, after all? No one but a crazy old fool. Thinking this will, in fact, constitute a cop out for not giving him a cop out, but you won’t realize this. You’ll just keep on walking right into your mom and pops place.
“I need a kidney!” you’re dad will say to you. He’ll have like a week left to live without one, and you’ll have two perfectly good ones, one of which could potentially save his life. But you’ll just smile and tell him, “I’ve grown rather attached to these.” He’ll look like he wants to hit you, but he won’t. He’ll bite his lip and tell you to get the fuck out of his house, which you will.
Outside your sister will be waiting with a lit cigarette. “Haven’t seen you in a while,” she’ll mumble at you. “Been busy,” you’ll lie, thinking all the while about your ever-growing list of X-Box achievements and your carefully arranged collection of antique Russian figurines. She’ll give you the finger and you’ll get back into your car under the homeless man’s watchful eye.
He’ll be muttering curses at you all the while, staring daggers as you get ready to take your white privilege ass away from your sad ass daddy’s house to a strip club, where you’ll refuse to tip women who have had it dealt to them so rough by life that they have to let assholes like you stare at them naked just so they can make ends meet. You’ll have a cop out all ready for that one too (hand cramp) but you’ll never get a chance to use it.
You won’t get a chance to use it because your car will refuse to start. You’ll have avoided putting gas into it for far too long, and it’ll be bone dry. You’ll wait for the car to offer you a cop out, one to rival your lamest, but it won’t say anything. It’ll just sit there silently, mocking you with its steady refusal to engage in your only real trait – being a huge douche.
Congratulations Cop Out Kid!
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