Congratulations on Ruining Board Game Night For Your Whole Family!

In the middle of board game night you’re going to take off your pants and squat over the board game board (it’ll be Ticket to Ride). Then you’ll poop on the board game board.

Then you’ll call your family faggots for the rest of the night.

If you have any questions about why your family will no longer talk to you feel free to post them in the comments section and we’ll try to fill you in on them as time permits.

Congratulations on Ruining Board Game Night For Your Whole Family!

Congratulations on Marking Your Territory!

You and your brother have been at this for years. When you were kids you used to do it every day, but as time went by and the distance grew greater you’d always expected the contest would fade. It hasn’t. You’ve never stopped marking one another’s property with your urine and you likely never will.

Today you’ll break into his home while he isn’t there and urinate on his possessions selectively. You’ll take great care not to get a single drop of pee on his wife’s side of the bed, to mark the correct toothbrush, and to coat the bowflex in your urine. Then you’ll depart without any unwanted traces.

You’ll be home in time to see your son return from school and ask him how his day was. He’ll frown as you fix him a sandwich with your freshly washed hands, discussing the way girls confuse him. You’ll chuckle affably and tell him that that will never change, taking great care to smell each piece of kitchenware before using it on your son’s food.

Your brother knows how much you like to cook, after all.

Congratulations on Marking Your Territory!