We'd like to extend our sympathies to your loved ones, but
if we did so we'd actually be sued for libel.
Not because we'd be saying anything untrue, but because we'd be
admitting that you died the way you died, which would be tantamount to defaming
you in a public setting in a manner which in no way serves the overarching
public good. All the same, we'd like to
make sure you know, before you loop a belt around your neck and jerk yourself
off later on today as you plan to do so, that we've enjoyed those films and
television programs that you were a part of during your long, fruitful
life. Sure, it would've been good of you
to keep on living a while, but when the reaper calls you do what you have to
do.
In your case, that is specifically looping a belt around
your neck and jerking off while you stand on your tip toes on a high chair,
then kicking said chair away while you're coming in a muscular spasm unlike
anything you've ever experienced.
Knowing that it would end the way it's going to end, a
normal person would stop. But a
narcissist like you, even a talented, intelligent narcissist, simply won't be
swayed by things like "knowledge of one's own impending death." You believe you're going to live forever, and
in a sense, you'll be quite correct. You
will live on in the various acting roles you've acted in over the years, roles
that, as we call, did not involve hanging one's self while masturbating.
But we digress.
You're going to die today and it's thoroughly avoidable and we'd go into
more detail, but we're already petrified that we're going to get sued for going
into as much detail as we have already.
Sorry.
Congratulations Famous Auto-Erotic Asphyxiatee!
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