“We’re not unified enough,” you’ll declare to the boardroom filled with people in suits, khaki pants and sunglasses worn during the early evening. They’ll haroomph loudly amongst themselves.
“Why should we bother helping others?” half the room will ask, half of them with food in their mouths. The others will simply hang their heads and think that very thought, nodding over enthusiastically as they do so.
“Because by helping other assholes we unify the cause of Asshole Undivided,” you’ll shout, slamming your fist down on the boardroom table as hard as you can, which actually won’t be that hard.
“Then the greatest among us should lead!” a young asshole in khaki pants and a light colored dress shirt will declare to the room.
“Great idea, you fucking idiot,” you’ll shout at him, the force of your voice pushing him back down into his seat. The young man will stare at his crotch for the rest of the meeting, thinking about how he’ll get back at you one day when he’s in charge. But you, you’ll stand proud.
“I propose that I, as the biggest and most obvious asshole in the room, lead this delegation to victory. Who else would stand against me?”
They’ll remain in their seats, smiling their parsimonious little smiles, dreaming their little dreams, planning their lunch-break trips to Brooks Brothers so they can get a new tie and look best when they show up at your apartment tomorrow night with a bottle of moderately priced wine so they can lick a little boot and maybe, just maybe, get closer to an asshole with more power than they have right now.
Congratulations Incorporated Assholes of America!
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