Congratulations on Murdering All Those Smugglers!

Healthcare costs are skyrocketing in America.  Obamacare is partly to blame, and there’s also a largely defunct system of service-based pricing options totally unrelated to the pricing of actual goods and services rendered in hospitals.  But you’ve chosen to focus your attempt to lower healthcare costs on one very specific group of people.

You target French philanthropists who smuggle antibiotics and immunizations into third world countries at cost.

These shameful blackguards have cost the healthcare industry hundreds of dollars in materials and millions in potential profits by “bringing drugs to people who need them,” and who ends up paying for that bullshit through inflated care costs?

That’s right, us.  Americans taxpayers or non-taxpayers or whatever.

The point is that these people are ruining America and you’re trying to help.

So tonight, under cover of darkness, you’re going to creep on to their smuggling boat, ironically named The Hepburn.  You’re going to tie each smuggler to their bed and, with a machete, hack off their hands and feet.  Then you’ll roll them into the inky black ocean and sabotage the boat so that the engine explodes, destroying the precious medicine it’s carrying.

“Fucking hippies,” will be your last comment as you row away from the ghost-ship in the dead of the night, assured that you’ve effectively lowered the marginal cost of healthcare in American by less than a percent and killed thousands of dark-skinned people by preventing them from receiving specialized care.

It’ll be one of a handful of days where your meds fluctuate correctly so that you feel good about yourself.

Congratulations on Murdering All Those Smugglers!