Congratulations Insane Sanitation Worker!

There are lots of good reasons to go insane.  Maybe you’ve had a tough life.  Maybe someone abused you sexually.  Maybe you lost your job.  The best reason to go insane?  Being married to Abraham Lincoln.

But we digress.

Your reason for going insane is…okay.

Today you’re going to be emptying trash cans into the back of a trash truck and you’re going to realize that you spent nearly a hundred thousand dollars and four years of your life getting a Russian Literature degree at Sarah Lawrence so that you could empty trash into the back of a truck already filled with trash.

If your education had been better, you’d consider this deeply ironic in light of the evolution of Russian literature during the 20^th century, but you’ll have focused almost exclusively on 17^th through 19^th century Russian texts, so you’ll pretty much just respond by getting super depressed in a super annoying way.  You’ll cry and moan and wish you’d majored in something practical, like one of those sciences you consistently got Cs in.

You’ll totally ignore that you’ve consistently just made bad choices, refused accepting paying positions that would “compromise your proletariat spirit” and mostly spent your free-time attending Occupy Wall Street Movements, where you make up part of the “loudly pounding on a drum” subsection of protestors, not the “articulate community organizer” subsection.

So yeah.  That’s you.  And today the reality of your existence will dawn on you and you’ll go insane.  Conveniently enough, for you going insane means you develop a stereotypical Boston accent and think your name is Brian.  Also, you become enamored of your job as a sanitation worker because you’ll finally realize just how great your benefits are.

All in all, it’ll be a weird day for you but, oddly enough, it’ll make you a lot quieter, which will be great for everyone around you.

Congratulations Insane Sanitation Worker!