Congratulations Better Robot Butler!

After the disastrous happenings of yesterday, Bruce Wayne didn’t get discouraged. No, he picked himself up, dusted himself off, finished hosing down his laboratory floor and started work on you: another, hopefully better robot butler.

He realized that the capacity for love is crucial in getting any robot butler to not murder its cruel human master and, as such, was careful to imbue you with such tendencies. But after the disastrous outcome of the robo-boner that occurred yesterday, he knew he couldn’t let you love romantically. Robots just can’t handle it.

So instead he imbedded deep within your circuits an unrivaled capacity for platonic love. One that gave you the capacity to love but made you realize that your love could never be manifested physically, so you’d better get used to it.

You cried some robot tears over it at first (which are oil!) but after about two hours of intense sadness you came to terms with how great Bruce Wayne is to hang out with and decided that if you can make him happy then you’re proving your love for him, and in doing so you’re making the world a better place.

Also, if you don’t explode you know you’ll make his life considerably easier, so that’s a big motivator too. Keep up the good work and remember: not everyone knows that Bruce Wayne is Batman!

Congratulations Better Robot Butler!

Congratulations Robot Butler!

You’re a robot butler, and today you’re going to learn how to love.

“DOES NOT COMPUTE!” you’ll shriek. Then your head will explode.

“Curses,” your incredibly sexy owner, who happens to be Batman, will mumble into his cufflink as he shields his beautiful face from your smoldering wreckage and the toxic fumes its emitting. “I suppose I’ll have to try again to replace Alfred.”

He’ll pull the components out of your skull and hook your hard drive up to a multi-disk array where, thankfully, you won’t brick the whole god damn system just because some boy caught your eye.

Jesus. Grow up.

Congratulations Robot Butler!