Congratulations on Delivering!

Today you’re going to open your pizza box and, instead of delicious pizza, thousands of rats will emerge.

“OH SHIT, RATS!” you’ll scream, but the customer will seem unperturbed.

“Oh good,” he’ll mumble at you, licking his lips. “This is even more rats than I expected.”

Congratulations on Delivering!

Congratulations on Getting Milk From Rats!

This one is pretty self-explanatory. Today you’re going to succeed in milking the rats in your apartment. The milk will taste terrible, and will turn in a matter of days, but you’ll succeed in drawing it out of them. Overall the entire experience will still be more disturbing than anything else, but it will be something of a scientific landmark and for that you get a brief, pithy note on some douchebag’s blog.

Congratulations on Getting Milk From Rats!