Congratulations Second Hand Apple Salesman!

As the last customer walks away, you'll shake your first at them.

"FUCK YOU, SHAWNA!" you'll shout before hurling product at her face.  Unfortunately the bite missing from the decaying apple you were trying to sell her will totally fuck up its aerodynamics and Shawna will be untouched by rotten apple.  It will instead collide with the chest of a passing police officer, who will, in turn, start beating you with his billy club.

"Ain't got no respect for the old timey cops, eh?" he'll mutter at you in a thick old timey New York accent between blows.

You won't have a ready response, which will be embarrassing for a few minutes, until you lose mercifully consciousness.

Have fun filing for bankruptcy tomorrow!

Congratulations Second Hand Apple Salesman!

Congratulations Dingleberry Police!

You're a part of the Dingleberry Police.  That means you go from apartment to apartment, checking people for Dingleberries.

Tonight, you're gonna get a call from the Lebowitz residence.  You'll stop by and check on the husband, but his ass hair will be immaculately shaved.

"I love my wife," he'll tell you, but his wife will roll her eyes.

"He loves his poolboys," she'll sigh.

Greg Lebowitz will turn bright red.

You'll look at your partner and shrug, and your partner will laugh back.  Then your radios will crackle:

TEN NINETEEN IN PROGRESS, REPEAT, TEN NINETEEN IN PROGRESS.

A ten nineteen will be an exceptionally nasty Dingleberry infestation.  You and your partner will hop on your bikes (the Dingleberry Police are extremely eco-friendly) and bike to the address your dispatcher will give you.  Then you'll draw your fair trade guns and kick down the door.

A man, an exceptionally fat man, will be sitting in front of a TV, watching Battlestar Gallactica by himself.  He'll turn around and fix you with a look like will you be my new friends.

You and your partner will unload your guns into him, riddling his corpulent frame with bullets.  When you're sure he's dead (after the fourth bullet to the head) you'll write him a ticket and toss it on his body.  It will read:

Too Many Dingleberries.

Congratulations Dingleberry Police!